I’ve taken time to consider this because i’ve been asked “why?” many times. The looks of confusion started when I went for a third time… the sheer incredulity of more visits got ME curious about why I was going.

I should clarify this is not normal behaviour for me. I do go to the theatre on a regular basis, “like most people go to the cinema” a friend recently said to me. It may even be like most people sit in front of a film at home come to think of it… Why not? When you can get a theatre ticket for less than a cinema ticket, work in a flexible way to be able to take advantage of offers and have local theatres that attract the worlds best actors, writers and directors, why wouldn’t you? But why see the same production six times??

It’s simple: “words, words words.”

I’ve always loved Hamlet. The language, the questions posed, the way a man (whoever ‘Shakespeare’ was) 400 years ago expressed thoughts that I have now blows my mind. It should anyone who has an interest in the human condition. This year has seen me work a lot with grief both professionally and personally and the psychology of love, loss and grief is no where better portrayed than in Hamlet.

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”
“To thine own self be true”
“When sorrows come, they come not single spies. But in battalions!”
“How weary, stale, flat and unprofitable,
Seem to me all the uses of this world!”
“If it be now,‘tis not to come;
if it be not to come, it will be now;
if it be not now, yet it will come: the readiness is all.”

As someone who has a predominant leaning towards the melancholy, lost her father way too soon, and has experienced love and loss in countless ways, these phrases speak to the heart of being alive and all its struggles for me.

I’ve seen many productions, many Hamlets, Ophelias and Polonius’, but seeing Rob Icke’s production at the Almeida for the first time back in February cracked everything wide open. It was like hearing it, seeing it for the very first time. Whilst Hamlet previously has captured my mind and intellect; this production captured my heart.

Some are irate that he’s played with the flow of the text and picked from various folios but he’s always stayed true to the language and having seen an audience of 10 – 15 year old watch all 3hours 45 mins enthralled, screaming, crying and replying out loud to Hamlet’s soliloquies (he asked us “am I a coward?” to which a young girls voice came from the back of the room “NOOOOOO”) is testament to how current, vibrant and relevant this play is. Whilst every other portrayal I’ve seen has been largely about revenge, hatred, madness and power, this production is all about love. Familial love, romantic love, friendship and it’s palpable through the cast.

One of the reasons I love live productions is the feeling of camaraderie, of the teamwork it takes to entertain an audience. It reminds me of being at university where although I studied Media and Business, was told I could have had an honorary Performing Arts degree since all my time was spent with that department. Developing artists and making albums during my career in the music industry was the same. There’s something intense about that creative world you build for each project. It’s EVERYTHING when you’re in it; and then it’s gone. I miss it. This production is absolutely the sum of all of its parts. Every single one is a stellar portrayal.

So again, why see the same production six times? Well, because I haven’t. Each time is different. Hamlet the man is different each time I’ve seen it, he’s been perplexed and confused, he’s been grief struck and unable to stop crying, he’s been furious, he’s been fragile, he’s turned on a dime and been all of the above. I don’t even know if Scott knows how he’s going to be or how he’s going to respond til he does and to make that performance as authentic and fresh and unexpected after 400 years and months of performances is to truly be in the moment. And of course everyone around him changes as they respond to the young Prince’s mood. Every single character is fully fleshed out (the back story between Guildernstern and Hamlet is fascinating) and each cast member is mesmerising. The authenticity, vulnerability, open heartedness of this telling is inspiring and for me personally has come at a time when I realise I’m still carrying loss around long after it’s served it’s purpose and am working on releasing and opening up. It’s felt personal. Moving intentionally into and through grief is an intrinsic part of becoming whole. Grief transports you to the deepest places when you have no choice but to let go.

Art – be it music, imagery, performance or words – has the ability to shake us to the core and I’m so grateful for this experience. If you’re intrigued you’ll be pleased to hear that the BBC will broadcast it next year so you can see for yourself why words are so powerful and why Shakespeare holds such an important place in my heart.

The show closes on September 2nd, maybe I’ll see it for a seventh time before then…