The decisions we made were the first actions we took as parents.

S was born Thursday 18th August at midday by elective caesarean.
I wanted to share the story, and thank you for contributing to the confidence and clarity W and I have had throughout.
Here’s what happened – the very very long story!
I was over 42 weeks with a very slow move towards being 2/5 engaged over the previous couple of weeks, but head still moving around. I had declined a sweep and induction each week, but at 42 weeks I asked my midwife to check cervix positioning but not to do anything – it was high and closed.
Pregnancy had been relatively relaxed with good sleep, still exercising, going on long walks, and feeling excited and at peace. My bump was huge and high, gravity defying. I felt proud of it and grateful to be pregnant. I had a blip at 39 weeks when impatience and frustration hit me hard, longing to meet her, but then I became calm and found a new level of peace and patience.
After 42 weeks we agreed to daily monitoring. We had plenty of amniotic fluid, good movements and heartbeat. I was in a tricky middle ground. I didn’t want to decline the monitoring but didn’t like that it took all day with circular conversations with pairs of Consultants and Doctors. Staff were confused why we didn’t want to induce; it was clear we were an anomaly in that environment.
I said I would happily intervene if they could name a risk factor that applied to my individual situation, rather than generalised indicators.
They couldn’t.
I felt upset that instead of feeling pleased or proud that I was carrying this baby so healthily, the narrative instead was one of concern and no one could tell me why.
The risk factor named was the gestational period and weakening placenta. This bothered us as we were both born without complication around 42 weeks. I had also heard tall women tend to carry later and I’m 6 foot.
Other risks floating around…we had a private scan at 38 weeks and she was large around 95th percentile, I’m 39, and although head down she wasn’t engaged.
But…I felt so good! And we had zero complications getting pregnant or during the pregnancy.
I could not comprehend how induction was the sensible answer to a large baby who wasn’t engaged, with concerns about placenta and oxygen supply in labour. Our own midwife said we were right to go with our initial thought – if she’s still high up and not engaged, don’t induce. That was a helpful cue and the only active support or nudge we were given towards our thinking. Other than that I had the same information as the medical staff but drawing a very different conclusion, and that was confusing as hell.
The monitoring days and constant conversations were exhausting me – suddenly I wasn’t sleeping and felt wrecked.
At 42+2 we requested a caesarean.
They wanted us in immediately. This indicated how concerned they had been to take action.
I asked if we could have a day in between to prepare and rest, maybe have her on Friday. We settled on coming back the next morning – a Thursday – first thing. We also understood Fridays and weekends in hospital would be busier and therefore less ideal.
We’d already heard of staff shortages and the birth centre and labour ward having occasional closures.
We had just enough time to re-pack my bag, tidy the house, wash my hair…as luck would have it a wonderful reflexologist I’d seen got in touch with an early evening cancellation. I could go and see her to recover my energies and then go straight to bed when I got home. This felt vital.
We listened to some beautiful music together before the procedure began. We had nothing but love and tears between us. The atmosphere changed quickly as I began to feel very unwell. It turned out that the incision was too small for the baby’s head, so they extended the incision and palpated my body firmly to get her out. She breathed in some fluid on the way. Forceps were mentioned but not used. My shoulders were in agony from referred pain and I felt very unwell. The anaesthetic was incredibly present, calm, and reassuring. She was lovely and I knew I was in safe hands. She told me the placenta was in perfect health but unfortunately I never got to see it- I kept asking but they kept forgetting.
The midwifery team were busy and had different people filling in for each other all the time.
S came out at 10lbs, 59cm long, with a head circumference of 37cm.
Midwives and Doctors were now saying what a relief it was we didn’t induce. I didn’t get it – this was pretty much on par with the scan estimations so why the surprise? Why was induction an okay recommendation before? Had they been purely driven by procedure, and is that fair enough? We felt somewhat validated though.
I saw W transform into a midwife and father before my eyes as he went with her to have some mucus cleared whilst still managing to be there for me. I cut the chord symbolically as planned and had her on my chest. I was a bit emotionless just taking it all in, talking to her and getting a sense of her and what she looked like.
In recovery W was helping the baby to latch, changing her first nappies, chasing up with the midwives and Doctors on various things, and getting me food and water.
We stayed for just one night and W was able to stay in the ward with me, managing to get some sleep with S. I sat up leaning forward in the chair all night to stave off the shoulder pain. The anaesthetist came to see us for a debrief and explained the fluid from the procedure was causing referred pain from my diaphragm, so leaning back put the pressure on. The pain was debilitating – I was crying out for help – and although we asked for morphine it didn’t do much for long. The pain vanished by the next evening as predicted. I wish I’d known how common this was in advance as I thought something was damaged.
It was total bliss when we got home.
I’ll still never know what would have happened to S if we had waited. I wanted to wait until something happened to indicate what path we should take – I wanted the evidence about us, not stats about the population. But she’s safe and I’m safe. She has had no complications from the birth. None of the possible affects of caesareans that make a difference day to day for mum and baby, like my milk supply, or her nervous system not getting a kick start from the contractions.
I still wonder about the two paths we didn’t take – inducing or waiting. I still wonder whether the Consultant could or should have made a larger incision to begin with and whether that would have made for a smoother experience for me and Stella. I wonder about how staff, resourcing, availability, and financial cost impacts the choices we make about birth – the importance of this reality check as well as the unintended consequence of suddenly having a ticking clock over your head.
The most incredible experience I’ve had since birth was having a bath with S at around 4/5 weeks, when I felt brave enough in my own recovery. W placed her in my arms and it felt like meeting her for the first time. Perhaps subconsciously I was having the experience I envisioned I would have birthing her in water, me and her bringing her out safely into the world as a team. The relationship evolves, for us the birth experience and first 24hrs was not the only thing that has impacted us, but it certainly does matter. The decisions we made were the first actions we took as parents.
Thanks again for your help in keeping us on our track of feeling calm and confident. It wasn’t easy but we did it!

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