I was convinced he’d arrive early but maybe not quite as early as he did (5 weeks), I’d put bets on the blue moon. On the Friday (waters broke on the Sunday) I came home from work and felt bizarrely calm, I mean calmer than I have felt in years and years if not ever, my mind felt empty and light and at peace, it was a surreal feeling and I deliberately kept busy all weekend so the baby didn’t think it was time.  Then the next night Andrew and I went for a really lovely dinner that had this really special feeling to it… Then Sunday morning I woke and the baby just felt different inside me, his movements were there but much lighter and slower. Just shows that connection between Mum and baby.

Actually it made me laugh as I can still remember you saying… ‘waters don’t break like in the movies’… mine did all over the pavement like a water balloon when I arrived at the hospital… my stomach shrank by about a third!!! Ironically they broke as we were about to go write our birth plan and after doing my first perineal massage!! 

We didn’t quite get the calm water birth we wanted and truthfully I was a little traumatised by it all, and I’ll be honest I lost the plot when my waters broke, poor Andrew kept saying ‘Lou think about what Kat would be telling you now’ haha! But actually once I arrived at hospital I was very calm and a midwife commented on how good my breathing techniques were. They said we were the calmest parents they had on the ward. I ended up being induced and then an emergency c section as his heart rate kept dropping due to the cord around his neck, I actually loved the c section, the staff were hilariously funny and at least my bits are still intact, ha! The induction however, well that should be illegal!!! 

I probably wasn’t prepared enough for an early arrival heightened with Finn being in neonatal but I wouldn’t actually change any of it as it’s been such a journey… I feel I can do anything now. The care Finn got in neonatal at UCLH was off the scale. That ward needs a documentary made about it. Thankfully Finn had no serious complications but I’m actually glad I experienced it as the staff, babies and parents were just inspiring and I heard so many child birth stories from the other mums and everyone was able to help each other by listening and sharing.

Whilst I didn’t quite get the birth I wanted I have been so inspired by positive birthing and whether mums get the right support. My brain is ticking over and I hope to contribute to changing things in some way, I just need to figure out how.

Anyway I really hope you are well. I might start doing a few classes at the well garden soon so hopefully I might see you then,
Lots of love x

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